Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
