Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
