I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
