Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
