it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
