one might say we're banned from that church
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
why do cheetos always look like penises
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
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