i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I could have mohawked her pubes.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize