Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
