im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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