i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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