Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Randomize
