omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I love you. Go after that dick
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
