How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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