i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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