i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
