So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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