gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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