You can't motorboat a personality
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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