I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
