Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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