people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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