Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The struggles of a small town man whore
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