I cannot find my penis.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
