Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
