i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
