Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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