Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
