Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
