I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize