I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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