There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
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