Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
