We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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