Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
