Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
