I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My feet surprised me
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
