Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
