my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
