No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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