I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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