woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
