i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
