she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
