theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
