my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
