I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
