No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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