The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
