guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
