I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
