Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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