You work out of a Hotel?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
