So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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