Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
