So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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