Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
