she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
