do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
