i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
