I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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