I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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