Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
