here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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