i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
