Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
