One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
